Living with anxiety!

Living with anxiety.

Yuno, I did not even consider that the reason I was like this is because I have anxiety.

In my last blog, as you saw. I spoke about having anxiety and that. Today I thought it would be interesting to go into depth and talk about it in a heart felt manner.

Where did is start?

So I've always been a chatty, gobby teenager. Like most I suppose and never really had an interest in school what so ever. I'm in top sets for everything, so I knew I was academically okay. But when it came to how I spoke to people, I was horrible. I guess you could say I was full of myself. I'm not like anymore, I changed when I moved schools. That's were is started, my anxiety. I think.

In primary, I was always falling out with the same group of girls and my parents thought it would be best to keep me away from them and send me to a separate secondary school. So I went to a different school than my peers. I had to make all new friends and it was great, starting over. I was thrilled. Then once again through year 7 and 8 I started having fall outs with a different group of people. In year 9 it all had gotten to much and I was being targeted online by a certain person, that is now nothing to me, but was my *Bestfriend* . So in the November I moved school. Back to my old primary friends. It was and still is great, I think our two years apart really gave us all time to grow up and realise what is important. But anyway, I missed my old school and didn't feel like I fitted in at all. So I was getting really stressful and not very social. This resulted in me not being able to sleep at night and hallucinate, I'm still like that now.
One day in class, I was on my own. It was Maths, and me being me I LOVE MATHS. My teacher had noticed me looking down, I was, I mean I've had trouble sleeping. This teacher called me over at the end of class and asked whether everything was okay. She said she was there for me and by the look in her face, it didn't seem like she believed me at all. Anyway a couple days went by and she started to seem more and more worried, so I told her. She is the only teacher I can really trust and really look up to. She was so supportive and still, to this day asks me whether i'm okay, and if I have slept extra...

As i'm in year 10 now, exams are EVERYWHERE. Course work in particular. At the start of the year, it wasn't at all good and I broke down in the middle of an English assesment and walked out. A couple months later, well last month. I sat (well stood) my speaking and listening assesment about our ambitions. I did mine about wanting to become a maths teacher it is really, the only thing I want to be. As i've been inspired by my own Maths teacher. I did it, but I was shaking the whole way through. After class , I threw up, it took me by suprise as nothing like this has ever happened before. This happens now on a day to day basis. I've been to the doctors, but they say they were reluctent to prescribe me anything for my anxiety because of my age and what it might do to me. How irritating. I have the support of my family, friends and teachers which is great. But no matter how much they help me it is not going to change everything.

This is just a brief, depth. A lot of the things I am still trying to come to terms with or are just too personal for me to share with you lot. As incase any of my school friends find out about this and take the mick :D

Thanks for reading xox