Do you ever feel.

Did not really want to do this one. Had a really happy cheery one planned.

Do you ever feel like you want to be alone. Lost. In your own state of mind. Your own world. Your own visions. Wanting to be the only one to conquer the road or path you have taken, no help. Just you.
I feel like this every single day without fail.

Somehow I always feel like I want to be alone. In school mostly. I really do not want to be close to anybody. Even friends with them. I am sick and tired of people asking me whether I am okay. What is the matter. Why I never speak anymore. The truth is...

I don't want to. I want to be alone. Isolated. Left. I don't need any body to support me or help me. I do not need any body to help me with school. I wish they understood. But somehow they never do. I thought I was screaming at them to leave me alone. I guess not. Why do this.
They think it is fun to comment on my hair, telling me how to cut it, how to style it. How to do my eyebrows. What colour lip gloss suits me the best. What types of clothing I should wear. What order to do things in. I didn't realise there was hundreds of people running my life.
I don't know. I used to be a cheerful, Happy, chatting 15 year old girl. Now. I am an unhappy, quiet, shy, isolated, drowsy 15 year old who thinks she can do things on her
own. CAN SHE? I believe she can. Do you???


Thanks for reading xox

They found her - Lyrics

So you all know that song I have recently posted. I have finished it. Maybe it is not so exciting to you, but it definitely is too me. So you wanna see??

Verse 1:

She walks down the halls,

 and fights back the tears does she know one day she'll be loved?

She opens the door,

her pride she cant hide there's no surprise any more.

Bridge: 

I left a message to say come home. (x2)

Chorus:

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go.

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go. Let her go.

Verse 2: 

She breaths her last words.

People stare as she stumbles down the stairs.

No-one hears her cry, 

she's trapped in a lie that everyone would call a lie.

Bridge:

I left a message to say come home. (x2)

Chorus:

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go.

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go. Let her go.

Verse 3: 

Her families around,

tears down their face, she's happy and in the right place.

6 feet underground,

no-one to disturb her, the bullies stand proud.

Bridge:

I left a message to say come home. (x2)

Chorus:

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go.

They found her, they found her

buried deep in the pure snow.

No answer, No answer,

Let her go. Let her go.

I want to feel isolated.

Hello everyone. I thought today I would have a proper heart-heart conversation about myself and what has been going on.

Recently I have wanted to feel quite isolated. It is weird that I want to feel like that because I do. I hate being asked whether I am okay or what's up.

I mean, I don't need anyone.

Today at break, I was will some friends and I ended up reading because I didn't want to involve myself in pointless coversations. So I read for a bit then was speaking to my french teacher about my homework. (By the way I have just spent the last 2 hours doing this homework, she better be impressed) I just feel like I do not need anybody.

So I walked into history after the bell, and sat down. Instantly my teacher knew what was up and asked my whether I was okay. I said I was fine, but she didn't believe me, haha. After class I needed to finish of some work, self voluntary so I didn't have to be near anyone and she asked me again. This teacher I can trust, she has been there for me since I had moved to this school and has always been understanding and considerate. I told her everything. The fact I didn't want anybody, I wanted to be alone, I feel crowded. So she said I could spend the lunch in her class, which was great for me because I could have some time to myself to think. She was talking and giving me advice.

She then went for her lunch and told me they were outside, so she sent them away and said that I have too much work to do. So they went.
This teacher is amazing, she told me to tell them she was being a cow and keeping me in at lunch so they didn't think I was avoiding them.
I didn't say that of cause because She has been there for me and did not want to make her out to be a unkind cow. haha.

My point is I don't need anybody.
What do I do now?? :)

 Thanks for reading, anon xox

Songs

Hello everybody,

Today Me, My friend and My music teacher wrote a song :)

here it is:

Verse:
She walks down the hall, fights back the tears,
Does she know one day she'll be loved?
She opens the door, her pride she can't hide,
There is no surprise any more.

Bridge:
I left a message to say come home (x2)

Chorus:
They found her, they found her buried deep in the pure snow,
They found her, they found her let her go.

They found her, they found her buried deep in the pure snow,
They found her, they found her let her go. (repeat let her go)

It isn't completed yet but I thought it was really good

The chords
Verse: Am (8) F(8) Am(8) F(8)
Bridge: G(8) F(8) G(8) F(8)
Chorus: Am(4), F(4), G(8)

I keep being sick.

Hellooooo...
So I'm wondering if anyone could help me out here?

Since November I've been being frequently sick, physically.
I have been to my Doctor who said it was my anxiety and were quite reluctant to prescribe me anything because of my age and the effects it could have.

Today was weird for me. I was sick as I normally am. But this time, I has an extremely bad headache and my vision was blurred. I was sick again in my English class and then my teacher sent for a teacher to come and get me to ring home. :(
Just to let you know I refuse to have time of school, because I have amazing attendance and I don't want my grades to change. The perks of anxiety is I always want to go to school, because I am scared I will miss something important:)

Anyway, as I was saying. I am being sick, not on perpouse or anything, just to let you know. I don't know what to do, I am so scared at the moment of the consequences. I mean I can barley handle P.E without feeling faint and needing to sit down:(

I have P.E tomorrow and then dance the next:(

I am going to the doctors in the morning though, I think so hopefully I can get some cure :)

any advice?

Email me: chloejane277@gmail.com
or feel free to leave a comment:)

Thanks for reading xox

Feeling alone

Hello everybody,

So, as you can tell today's blog is not going to be a happy cheery blog.

Okay, So I don't know who I can trust anymore. I feel trapped and locked away from everyone.
I'm not well at the moment and havn't been since november. Everyone thinks my life is a breeze. Come into school, Get good grades ext... BUT nobody knows the real me.

I study like crazy to get my grades, I don't sleep at night and hallucinate ( don't know why), I get angry so easily and I have anxiety. AND to top it all of I be sick, I don't know why either. I'm going to the doctors tomorrow anyway to see if they can sort me out (:

I mean, I have friends. But I zone out.
I feel like everyone hates me. My friends and teachers, especially my maths teacher.

Any advice? I'm so agitated rn ):

Thanks for reading xox

Boys and Toys

Hello everybody.

You know that boy I kissed?

Yeah, we broke up.

I dumped him, which is abnormal seeing as I am normally the one that gets dumped. HAHA.

I've been thinking about breaking up with him for a while. I mean, I am being sick, 24/7. School is making me anxious& I am scared to be me, when I am around anyone.

I told my Bestfriend on Friday&we went to one of our teachers, our dance teacher. She is more like a friend or a sister that a teacher. I can talked and have a laugh. It is fabulous. We go to dance class so we have got to know her there&It was really good, to get to know somebody that is funny and elder than us, but is really young at the same time.

We went to her and asked 'How do you break up with somebody?' She said to write him a note, it was hilarious what she was telling us though. She gave us 2 post it notes, but I chickened out and didn't write any of them.

On Friday night I slept round my friends, so we quickly went to my house to pick up my things. So I could avoid kissing him and then as we were walking to my friends he was there walking down the hill from school, still. AND GUESS WHAT? He tried too 'passionately' kiss me. I just went in for a peck, not a ndfvbsabviwb kiss. And it was so awkward, everyone was there.

I felt so embarrassed for him, he planned it with all of his mates though and to be honest, i dont really want someone that tells his mates everything he is going to do between a relationship that involves 2 people not 200. haha.

Anyway later that day I broke up with him. Over text. I mean how horrible is that, I feel so ashamed.

But then, 12 hours later he was up town with another girl.. HELLOO, I've got treated like a toy.
Now I don't feel so bad about dumping him over text.

He tried to eat my face, goes out with other girls seconds after I dump him, is so annoying with his stupid songs that he sings and make sexual comments, I'm sorry, no. I am 15 not 25. Life doesn't go like that, bby. URGG I feel so used and embarrassed. He told me he loved me, I don't even know what love is.
Thanks for listening/reading my rant about this!

Thanks for reading xox

Girl online

Hello everybody, I don't why but whenever I write 'Everybody' I end up writing ' Everyboday' Why I will never know.

Anyway I thought I would talk to you guys about something, not that important but fab!

Have you all read GIRL ONLINE by ZOE SUGG?

Well if you Haven't then read it, I've done a book review on it previously.

Anyway, When Penny writes the blog, she finishes with 'Girl online, going offline' I wanted something like that.
Could you please let me know in the comments?? <3


Thanks for reading xox

Daily Diary 2.

Hello guys, So today, I am hoping to write (Remember) what I did today:)

1- Walked into school. It was okay, went over to my friends. Listened to music and talked about me hopefully ( fingers crossed ) sleeping over Gwen's (Again, not her real name) house:)

2-Form, Basically had an English lesson on personification. Yeah, wasn't that fun. Me and my friend, lets call her Katie, were on our phones, as always. Snapchating people :) We are too weird, I swear.

3- Mathssssssss---- Hellooooo!!!!!!! We did simultaneous equations today. I already know them off my heart, but it was good to go back over the topic and revise, to keep my mind working. Basically helped everyone in my class, because they my teacher didn't explain it well :) She said to me it was hard to explain, because I obviously want to be a teacher. Yet when I was explaining it to other people, they got it straight away. I also forgot to speak to her about the tutoring situation, and she isn't in on friday. So yeah.....

4- Break- Basically did nothing and per usual. Walked around the court yard a bit, if that's of any interest to you.

5- MUSIC- Music has to be one of my favourite lessons other than maths, physics and chemistry. But we have this new teacher, he's also my form tutor aswell. But he was trying to be funny and sikick... But he wasn't and he also called me CJ. Who does that?

6-Lunch- Again, did nothing.

7- Chemistry- It was fabulous. We did this experiment thing on rates of reaction. It was fab. I had a pounding headache and my best friend, Sophie ( not her real name) told the avp that she was a load of bull-@*^!.


Now I am at home, had spag-bol for dinner. Then I went upstairs to TRY and sleep, but with a house full of children, that did not work:( Couldn't sleep of my headache. So now I am sat in-front of a screen, yeah, that makes sense????

Thanks for reading xox

Becoming a tutor

So, I'm 15, year 10 and would really like to become a well organized maths teacher in the near future.
I've have been speaking about becoming a tutor for Maths and maybe science with my Mom. She said it was a really good idea. Also my old Maths teacher said that it was really good to do something like that.

The only thing I am worrying about is whether people would actually take me seriously. I was thinking maybe KS2 and 1 Students (Year 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6) and charging a relativity low amount anyway.

I don't really want to tell any of  my friends or teachers, because 1. I don't think they would take me seriously and 2. I really don't want to tell my current Maths teacher because I'm worried she doesn't have any faith in me and will laugh in my face. I don't know. My Maths teacher is Okay, she was there for me a lot last year so I can trust her. But something like this, would she criticise me for it and think that I couldn't do it.

What do you think? I mean I'm starting a little thing on here where I give you a few Maths tricks, Might even make a separate blog for it. Unsure yet! But anyway, Do you think I have what it takes??


Thanks for reading :)

Back to school.

Hello guyss,

So, today I was back to school. Can I say it went as I thought.

1st- I walked in and saw everybody. I wanted to just stay on my own for the morning, because I didn't want to face anyone and be questions like god knows what. I walked in, it wasn't too bad if I'm honest with you, and we talked about Christmas and everything.

2nd- My new form tutor is AMAZING, he is my new Music teacher also. He has a band that is big in Japan (He's not Japanese, btw). Anyway, he is really nice to us! Touch wood!!

3nd- Physics was amazing, and per usual. We were doing 'Exploring the solar system' which is fabulous and is my favourite topic ever, in science. We were doing something with gravity and my teacher was swinging around a bucket of water, it was hilarious.

4th- Break was normal, nothing too different I suppose.We saw my old teacher, she has came back. She was one of my favourite in year 9 and she teaches maths and me and maths, guys.

5th-ENGLISH. I used to like Engish, I'm not too fond of it now. Not because of the lesson, because of the teacher. She is somewhat, annoying. I mean she kept the whole class behind for 7 minuets, yet we complete 20 billion questions a lesson. We are not aloud to talk.

6th- Lunch was pretty cool, tbh. Me and my friend were looking for my little cousins boyfriend. I was really fab tbh.

7th- P.E. I really love p.e if I'm honest. It gives me a break from reality in a way. We did step aerobics, It was okay, my legs are a bit achy though, but we've done it before. So I was kind of us too it. After, we were getting changed and I threw up. I was in my p.e shorts and my school top, because I was getting changed. Do you know how embarrassing that was? My teacher, who I mentioned before about me not being social, was speaking to me and told me I need to go back to the doctors because it is normal to act like this, or something.

After school, I has a raging headache , has my tea and went to sleep, so I don't know how I'm gonna sleep tonight.
Now I'm writing this blog post :)

I have maths tomorrow, music and chemistry. I might so a day blog tomorrow aswell, because I really like doing them :) Kind of like a 'vlog' but in blog form.:)

Thanks for reading xox

Advice?

So hello!
I didn't think about doing this one, until just.

I think I might be a bit closed of from everyone.

As you know, I have anxiety.
Recently I was talking to a teacher because she was worried and blahhhhh..
Anyway she has a meeting with my parents and they said I don't really go out much and just tay in m room and study.
Yeah that's true.
But the facts is that I never want to go out!
I am completely not social at all and never really wan't to speak to anyone.
I will have conversations with people in school and zone out a few seconds later. Even to some of my bestfriend's. I am going to keep them anonymous obviously so lets call them, Sophie, Natasha and Gwen ( Yeah, I like Gwen)

Anyway! What should I do?

I haven't spoke to them at all over Christmas holidays, or met up with them. School is defo going to be awkward on Tuesday!
I am that bad my teacher had to tell me I need to build as a person outside of school. She said she will check if I have met up with anyone over the hols!!

What do I say?

I told her I don't need anyone, because I really don't. And then she asked me weather my friends make me happy and I said no, because they really don't. And she said, then there not your friends.
I don't know whether I am just being a stubborn !@*£% or not. I AM AREN'T I?

urg, I feel so stupid rn, Oh well, anybody got any advice????????



WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT DOWN BELOW??
IM GONNA READ NOW TO CALM ME DOWN, THINK I MIGHT BREATHE A LITTLE OR SOMETHING. IF YOU DO HAVE ANY ADVICE, I WILL SHOUT YOU OUT IN MY NEXT BLOG SO KEEP AND EYE OUT AND LEAVE YOUR TWITTER  OR INTAGRAM  BELOW FOR A FOLLOW :)


 Thank you for reading xox

Snapchat!

So, this blog is anonymous, right? NO-BODY know who I am personally or at all. So anyway, I've decided to give 3 of you a little secret!

SnapChat? Everyone has it and if you don't then bbm? But anyway EMAIL ME.... chloejane277@gmail.com and I will give you my snapchat :) I thought it might be fun to talk to you and get to know you. I will reply on comments to any of your wishes, because I really feel that I know all my viewers:0 Even though I know nothing about any of you really!

Oh well, be sure to follow me :)

Maths tricks!

Hello guys, so I understand that not many people may be interested in this, or were hoping that todays read might something fascinating like the latest brands or something like that. But I hope you all understand that Maths is a huge part of my life and I spend hours a day revising, learning new tips and tricks and expanding my mind. I thought that maybe somewhere out there someone was as passionate about maths as me so I thought I would start a new 'segment' where I show you a few simple maths tricks that may help you pass that exam or solve the question to your homework!

Here is a VERY SIMPLE trick for you guys!

How to times any number by 11 between 1-99:)


EXAMPLE

 Take 63x11 for example.

You can not do it in your head can you?
If you can then wow! I can but that's because I know how.

Anyway.
6+3=9
Stick the 9 in the middle of the number
 
693!!!!! DO IT ON A CALCULATOR IF YOU CAN :)

What about 83x11?

Well, 8 plus 3 is 11. BUT the answer wont be 8113!
You add the 10's

8+1=9 So the 8 becomes a 9. Then stick the 1 in the middle and the 3 at the end.

913- Wasn't that hard, was it?

EXERCISE

78X11
61X11
34X11
47X11
79X11
64X11
52X11
18X11
37X11
99X11

LEAVE THEM IN THE COMMENTS BELOW, SHOW WORKING IF YOU CAN/WANT.

Thanks for reading xox

Girl Online book review!

As you all know, the famous YouTuber Zoe Sugg ( Also known as Zoella) wrote a book called girl online. It kind of started a craze with teens, as everyone wanted it. I DID TOO! I had been asking my parents, time and time again to buy it for me, but as all parents, mine replied with ' YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE'. Turn out I had the privilege of holding my very own copy of it on Christmas morning. Christmas was like 9 days ago and somehow, some way, I have managed to read the whole entire book. I was HOOKED

So review time!!!
As it says on the blurb the main character is call Penny, She is Girl Online. She writes an anonymous blog all about LIFE. Each blog that was written in the book was amazing. So anyway, the book has, school drama, boy drama, friendship drama, family drama and a whole load of other dramas the average teenage girl and boy will go through. The book is gripping it grabs your attention right from the first word. As I gradually read through each page, chapter and storyline I got more and more gripped. I felt like I was there, in Brighton, with them. Living through it all. Sad part was everytime I closed the book, I had to step into reality.
Anyway, I thought the book was extremely good and I LOVED IT. There was something about it. Just as I thought one thing was happening, a few chapters later a new thing was happening. I have to say that I couldn't stop reading it. I had too keep telling myself 'One more chapter' but that never worked considering it was impossible to stop. It was like when you think you have no more sweets left in your packet, you look inside and there is tons ;)

I have never been a girl who always had her nose in a book, I don't why.  That was my first actual book (  not the things you used to get in primary school) that I completely finished, back to front.

So I've decided. Another new years resolution could be to read at least one book a month and do a book review. (You might have to remind me on that one)

I need to start reading more.

Thanks for reading xox

FAVOURITE SONGS!

Hello guys,

Most of us depend on songs to bring our mood up or say what you mean. Recently, in form we were made to something called a seal CD. It was so we had a a few tracks of all our meaningful songs. It was pretty cool to be honest with you. Anyway, it got me thinking about what I listen to and why?

So here are a few of my favourite songs and why...

1. Probably anything from Taylor Swift-
Everybody says Taylor Swift is someone who only writes about Love and Heartbreak. But we all need that, right? I mean my favourite has to be 'Story of us' I think it is because there is a story about how Love can change the relationship between one an other and have a massive impact. There is always more and more as you keep going on. Another one of my favourites would have to be 'I <3?' I think this really shows how someone can move on from what. they thought was a fairytail.

2. Breathe by HE IS WE.
This is one of my most, most favourites as it seems like someone is lying, it shows that every one has a secret. A dark secret. I think we all do, right? 'Harness your heart and be still now. Quiet that mid that will wonder, all sorts of dark allies' Some of the lyrics. This really shows that everyone may be led in the wrong direction or mad to feel left out. Or they may have an mental illness like, depression, anxiety, eating disorders. Anything like that really.

3. Human by CHRISTINA PERRI.
This song is quite true in many ways. It shows that someone can be let down. It also shows that people try to please everybody, no matter how hurt or weak they may be. Then it says that we are all HUMAN. We are, no body should be treated any differently, not matter what.

So anyway, that is a couple of songs and meanings I go by. Let me know what yours are ;)

Thanks for reading xox

GUESS WHAT?!?

Hello guys,

Never guess what happened?

I had my first kiss.

I'm 15 so everybody in my year and probably below has already has there first kiss.

I always thought it was pointless wasting a first kiss on someone who is going to break up with you a week later.

But with this one I didn't think that at all.

He's smart, that's not even an exaggeration. He is the smartest person in my school, he was getting A's in year 9.

We both are pretty clever but he is beyond just pretty clever.

Anyway, we've only been dating since 18Th of December, so 2 weeks , about.

But we met up today and it was awkward at first and then I began to feel more comfortable and we just walked and walked and walked. About 10 miles I would say :D, jk.

But anyway I had to be home at 4 so he walked me home, we hugged only for the second time. Then we looked at each other. Then, I don't know what happened but we ended up kissing. I didn't even know that was going to happen it just did.

Anyway so now I've had my first kiss and I don't know how I feel, like I've got butterflies in my stomach throwing, what seems like the party of the century. (I'm kinda weird when it comes to metaphors, similes and personification, sorry)

Anyway, What was your first kiss like? I don't understand why I was so fussed about mine. It seemed pretty normal, and special :) (I'm getting all lovey dovey on you now, sorry)

Thanks for reading xox

New years revoutions!

Hello everyone,

Happy new year!

For this blog I thought I would do a new years revolutions one, yuno, as it is new year and all.
Lets start:

1. BE MORE POSITIVE-
                      I think this is one of everyone's new years revolutions, purely because most of use send our time thinking about how we could look better, or dwell on our flaws. To be honest with you, I say this every single year and it never seems to work, but I am going to try so, so hard to do this.

2. TRY HARDER IN SCHOOL-
                      I said this one to my parents, just yesterday and they laughed. Not at that they thought I couldn't do it, because I try too hard at school enough as it is. I am always learning new things and yeah. I mean I only really revise Maths and try hard in Maths, so maybe taking on another like an revise that like mad too.

3.  BE MORE SOCIAL-
                      So if you are a good friend or a family member (Which I assume non of you are, as this is anonymous). You would know that I don't really go out that much, if not, not at all. I don't really like socialising. I'm that bad, my head of year wrote on my report '_____ needs to grow as a person outside of school, as she is closed of a lot of the time and doesn't like to interact with her fellow peers'.

4. BELIEVE-
                      This one is a big one, mainly because of my anxiety but heck it. I want to start believing I can cope with it all. Believing I can get the grades I need. As I need at last 5 a*-c grades by the time I go to college and at least and A in maths to study my courses.

Let me know in the comments below what your new years revolutions are. Also keep your head up, don't look down. 2015 can hold some incredible things <3

Thanks for reading xox

Living with anxiety!

Living with anxiety.

Yuno, I did not even consider that the reason I was like this is because I have anxiety.

In my last blog, as you saw. I spoke about having anxiety and that. Today I thought it would be interesting to go into depth and talk about it in a heart felt manner.

Where did is start?

So I've always been a chatty, gobby teenager. Like most I suppose and never really had an interest in school what so ever. I'm in top sets for everything, so I knew I was academically okay. But when it came to how I spoke to people, I was horrible. I guess you could say I was full of myself. I'm not like anymore, I changed when I moved schools. That's were is started, my anxiety. I think.

In primary, I was always falling out with the same group of girls and my parents thought it would be best to keep me away from them and send me to a separate secondary school. So I went to a different school than my peers. I had to make all new friends and it was great, starting over. I was thrilled. Then once again through year 7 and 8 I started having fall outs with a different group of people. In year 9 it all had gotten to much and I was being targeted online by a certain person, that is now nothing to me, but was my *Bestfriend* . So in the November I moved school. Back to my old primary friends. It was and still is great, I think our two years apart really gave us all time to grow up and realise what is important. But anyway, I missed my old school and didn't feel like I fitted in at all. So I was getting really stressful and not very social. This resulted in me not being able to sleep at night and hallucinate, I'm still like that now.
One day in class, I was on my own. It was Maths, and me being me I LOVE MATHS. My teacher had noticed me looking down, I was, I mean I've had trouble sleeping. This teacher called me over at the end of class and asked whether everything was okay. She said she was there for me and by the look in her face, it didn't seem like she believed me at all. Anyway a couple days went by and she started to seem more and more worried, so I told her. She is the only teacher I can really trust and really look up to. She was so supportive and still, to this day asks me whether i'm okay, and if I have slept extra...

As i'm in year 10 now, exams are EVERYWHERE. Course work in particular. At the start of the year, it wasn't at all good and I broke down in the middle of an English assesment and walked out. A couple months later, well last month. I sat (well stood) my speaking and listening assesment about our ambitions. I did mine about wanting to become a maths teacher it is really, the only thing I want to be. As i've been inspired by my own Maths teacher. I did it, but I was shaking the whole way through. After class , I threw up, it took me by suprise as nothing like this has ever happened before. This happens now on a day to day basis. I've been to the doctors, but they say they were reluctent to prescribe me anything for my anxiety because of my age and what it might do to me. How irritating. I have the support of my family, friends and teachers which is great. But no matter how much they help me it is not going to change everything.

This is just a brief, depth. A lot of the things I am still trying to come to terms with or are just too personal for me to share with you lot. As incase any of my school friends find out about this and take the mick :D

Thanks for reading xox